Have you ever wondered the difference between an open relationship vs polyamory? While they’re both types of ethical non-monogamy, their purpose is quite different.
It’s not uncommon for people to equate polyamory with an open relationship, but their purposes are quite different. As someone who was once polyamorous, I wouldn’t personally be comfortable with an open relationship. Just as I’m sure many people in open relationships wouldn’t be comfortable with polyamory. So, how does an open relationship vs polyamory differ?
In this post, I’ll discuss, what is an open relationship, what is polyamory, the benefits of the two, as well as the risks of opening your relationship, and finally, what is the difference between polyamory and open relationships.
This post is all about the difference between an open relationship vs polyamory!
What is an Open Relationship?
An open relationship is when a couple decides they want to pursue other casual or sexual connections outside of their partnership. Rules or boundaries are set to dictate what is and isn’t acceptable in this dynamic. They may be open to having friends with benefits situations or they may only be open to casual hookups.
Open relationships are almost always focused on the physical, but sometimes a deeper friendship or bond can be allowed as well, depending on their and their partner’s boundaries. For some, it could become an issue if deeper feelings were to arise for a “casual” partner. In open relationships, the primary partnership is meant to be prioritized above all others. Rules are usually put in place to try to ensure deeper feelings don’t arise for casual partners.
What are the Benefits of an Open Relationship?
New Experiences
The main benefit of an open relationship is the ability to have new experiences. Some people may be drawn to an open relationship to explore their sexuality or try out different kinks or sex styles.
Increased Confidence or Eroticism
For some, it may also be to increase their confidence, or to experience the thrill. As having sex outside of your primary relationship is usually frowned upon, it can create a feeling of eroticism that may be appealing to some.
Lack of Satisfaction
For others, it may be due to a lack of satisfaction in their current sex life. They may not want to leave their partner but desire a more fulfilling sex life, both choosing to get their needs met with others.
What is Polyamory?
Polyamory is the openness to having more than one romantic partner. It can be considered either an identity or a relationship structure. Some people consider themselves to be polyamorous even if they don’t have a partner, others consider it a part of their current relationship structure, which may change with time or circumstances.
The purpose of polyamory is to be able to have multiple loving and committed partnerships if you so wish. You can meet and date multiple people and form lasting bonds. Polyamory means “many loves”. The philosophy behind it is that people are capable of loving more than one person, and if you desire to, why shouldn’t you be able to? This is of course, as long as you’re open and honest about it.
Polyamory is generally built around boundaries rather than rules. Sometimes, there can be more restrictions if hierarchy is practiced. Polyamory can be hierarchal, non-hierarchal, or solo. Polyamory can also be conducted in an open or closed manner, though open is much more common.
Hierarchal Polyamory
Hierarchal polyamory is when importance or privilege is placed on the “primary” couple. Often, this is the couple who has been together the longest. They may live together or share children or other responsibilities. This couple may place boundaries or restrictions around what is or isn’t okay with other partners. Sometimes this is simply for practical reasons, and other times it’s to create a sense of safety and the feeling that their relationship is prioritized.
Non-Hierarchal Polyamory
Non-hierarchal polyamory puts every relationship on equal footing, or at least makes its best efforts to do so. Sometimes, there is an inherent hierarchy if a couple lives together or has children. However, in non-hierarchal polyamory, no rules or restrictions are placed on partnerships by any other partner. It is up to the people in the partnership alone to decide how involved they want to be.
Solo Polyamory
Solo polyamory is when someone chooses not to be coupled in any traditional ways. They still date and participate in relationships. However, they may choose to forgo living with partners, marriage, sharing bank accounts, or anything of that nature. You could say their primary partner is themselves.
Open vs Closed Polyamory
Most polyamorous relationships are open, meaning partners can date and take on new partners. Some styles of polyamory, on the other hand, can be conducted in a closed manner, such as triads and quads. A triad is three people who are all dating each other, a quad is four. Sometimes in these dynamics, they may choose to close the relationship to new partners.
Related: What is a Polyamorous Relationship?
What are the Benefits of Polyamory?
Love & Community
The main benefit of polyamory is getting to explore other romantic connections. You don’t have to limit yourself to one person, and neither does your partner. Polyamory opens up the opportunity to get your needs met by multiple partners rather than just one. It creates a sense of community and provides you with many close connections to lean on. Besides your partners, you’ll also have metamours (your partner’s partners) and telamours (the partners of your partner’s partner). Your polycule can start to feel like a little found family.
Exploring Your Sexuality
Some people also choose polyamory to explore their sexuality in ways their current partnership doesn’t allow, whether it be dating other genders, or exploring new kinks. Sex can be an important part of polyamory for many, while it may not be of any importance to others. Many asexual people find fulfillment in a polyamorous dynamic.
Challenging the Norm
People may also be drawn to polyamory as a way to challenge the norm. Just because society says we should only have one partner, or that jealousy and possessiveness are signs of love, doesn’t mean we have to believe or practice these things. Polyamory challenges a lot of our societal beliefs about relationships. You have to work to overcome jealousy and handle it in healthy ways.
Self-Improvement
Polyamory requires a ton of communication and the ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Many people can struggle with this, but these abilities are paramount to a healthy polyamorous relationship. Polyamory challenges you to improve your relational skills, which is an aspect some people are drawn to.
What are the Risks of Opening Your Relationship?
People can sometimes turn to opening their relationship for the wrong reasons. Their relationship may be struggling and they believe opening it up will fix it. In the case of either an open relationship or polyamory, this is likely not the case. Oftentimes, opening an already struggling relationship will only cause further demise.
Developing Deeper Feelings for Another
An open relationship will open you and your partner up to the possibility of developing feelings for other people. So, be sure to discuss this possibility before opening the relationship. If this possibility puts the relationship at risk, you may need to rethink your desire to be open or what it is you’re truly seeking from this dynamic.
Issues are Amplified
Both polyamory and an open relationship will bring preexisting relationship issues to the surface. Any problems with jealousy, possessiveness, or lack of communication will only be amplified, leading to much larger repercussions.
Challenges What You Know
It can be challenging to open a previously monogamous relationship, as you’ve already grown accustomed to the relationship being a certain way. Opening up will challenge you to face deep insecurities and a fear of loss. Discuss with your partner beforehand how you plan to tackle these fears.
Open Relationship vs Polyamory: What’s the Difference?
As you can see, open relationships are focused on casual sexual dynamics with others. It strives to maintain the priority of the primary couple and any infringement upon this would likely be seen as a threat. Open relationships are meant as a way to explore sexual connections outside of your partnership. Sometimes a friendship or more personal connection can be allowed depending on the rules of the couple.
Polyamory, on the other hand, is a way to explore other romantic connections, and while sex can be a part of that, it’s not the main reason for it. The purpose of polyamory is to have the ability to maintain commitments with and fall in love with multiple people.
Which of these is right for you depends on what you’re looking for. Is it casual dynamics while maintaining priority over your primary relationship or the ability to create deep and meaningful connections without restriction?
As you can see, the purposes of open relationships vs polyamory are quite different. An open relationship is meant to maintain your primary connection while allowing you to explore casual dynamics with others. Polyamory is meant to allow you to date and form committed relationships with multiple people.
Post by Morgan Peters
