Selective mutism can be debilitating for some children, it’s only natural to want to do what you can to help. So, if you’re wondering how to help a child with selective mutism this post is for you!
It can be hard to watch a child struggle to be able to speak, so if you’re wondering how to help a child with selective mutism you’ve come to the right place.
I grew up with selective mutism, so trust me when I say I know exactly what not to do when it comes to helping someone with SM.
In this post, I’ll be covering what to do if your child has selective mutism, how to help a child with selective mutism in the classroom, and the basic dos and don’ts of selective mutism.
This post is all about how to help a child with selective mutism!
Related Post: What is Selective Mutism? And Why is It So Unheard Of?
What to Do if Your Child Has Selective Mutism
Seek Professional Treatment
Whether your child has been diagnosed or you suspect they may have selective mutism, seeking professional advice is always the best place to start. Selective mutism is a treatable anxiety disorder and a professional can set up a personalized treatment plan that’s right for your child. The most common treatment for SM is behavioural therapy, which gradually encourages your child to speak in increasingly difficult scenarios with the help of positive reinforcement.
Other treatment options include psychotherapy and medication, which help treat the child’s underlying anxiety. A licensed professional will know what treatment is best for your child. Be sure to do your research and select someone with experience treating children with SM.
Do Your Research and Educate Others
Not many people know about selective mutism, so it’s your job as a parent to educate yourself and those around you. Read articles and books to better understand the disorder, and be sure to talk to your child’s teachers and other family members to ensure they know how best to handle it. People in your child’s life should know how to best support your child through their treatment, otherwise, it could cause your child more anxiety and set them back further.
Give Your Child Time to Warm Up in Social Settings
Make sure your child knows there’s no pressure to speak in a new social setting. Give them time to get acclimated to their surroundings and the people around them. Setting up a meeting with a new teacher in the classroom before classes start is a great way to get your child more comfortable in this new setting.
Don’t pressure your child to speak to anyone before they’re ready, give them time to feel safe just being around them. After spending more time around someone or even meeting a time or two, see if your child feels comfortable saying hi to them, or even waving.
Feel free to ask the child a question and give them a couple of answers to choose from. Initiating contact can be challenging for children with SM, and choosing from one of two answers can be easier than coming up with one on their own. It’s important for the child to feel safe to speak on their terms, if they don’t respond just give them time, they’ll get there when they’re ready.
Offer Subtle Praise
Be sure to praise your child when they do speak. Don’t get too excited, just let them know that you’re proud of the progress they’re making. Let them know their voice matters and that you love hearing what they have to say. Positive reinforcement goes a long way, just be sure not to embarrass them or it’ll have the opposite effect.
Don’t Push Them Too Far Out of Their Comfort Zone
Don’t pressure your child to speak in large groups or in front of the class if they’re not ready. Pushing these dynamics will only increase their anxiety and make their treatment take longer. Work with what they are comfortable with and go from there.
Be realistic about your child’s capabilities, maybe they’re comfortable talking with their friends or in a small group. Cultivate more of this kind of dynamic, invite their friends over, and maybe invite one person they don’t know as well. Take them to playdates where friends of friends will be. This way they can expand their horizons without going too far out of their comfort zone.
Play Games
Games are a great way to take the pressure off of speaking. When they’re having fun it can help take their mind off their anxiety and make them feel more at ease. Even if the game doesn’t involve any speaking it may make your child feel more comfortable to do so.
Games that do require speaking can also be a positive incentive. It gives your child a low-pressure way to speak that can be fun and engaging.
While your child is likely already comfortable talking to their immediate family, games are a great way to get them talking around others. Encourage them to play games with friends, or other family members, therapy is another great place to implement the use of games.
Practice Talking in Safe Spaces
Practice talking with your child at home, where they already feel safe and comfortable speaking. Get them to practice asking to use the washroom at school or what to say when they want to order food. Going over these scripts can help give them the confidence to speak in the real world.
How To Help a Child With Selective Mutism in the Classroom
Accept Non-Verbal Communication
It will likely take some time for a child with SM to feel comfortable talking in the classroom. Invite them to participate in tasks or activities that don’t require speaking. Make them feel involved in a way that feels comfortable to them. Ask them to point out the correct answer or write it down themselves if they feel comfortable. The goal is to eventually get the child comfortable using verbal communication, but if they’re unable, make sure they know non-verbal communication is always an option.
Start With One-Sided Communication
Avoid questions and ease into communication with statements. For example, say, “Good morning, I hope you have a wonderful day today.” rather than “Good morning, how are you today?”. Using statements rather than questions makes the child feel more comfortable and not feel the need to respond. Asking a question puts them on the spot and can make them feel more anxious. Over time the child may begin to respond or give non-verbal communication such as a smile or a wave.
Begin To Ask Forced-Choice Questions
Once the child gets comfortable with non-verbal communication you can begin to ask forced-choice questions. Forced-choice questions give two options as a response, such as, “Do you like cats or dogs better?” This gives the child a simple way to respond while saying a little more than just yes or no.
When the child answers be sure to give them praise. Thank them for letting you know. This reinforces the behaviour of speaking and makes it more likely for them to do so in the future.
Reinforce Speech
As the child gets more comfortable encourage speech by continuing to ask questions. Don’t assume to know what they mean if they point or gesture at something. Ask the child, using forced-choice questions what they would like. If the child gestures towards a purple crayon, ask them, “Do you want to use purple or a different colour?” Be sure to give them praise when they respond.
Use Video to Further Establish Communication
Give the child the task of recording a video of something they’d like to share at home. Perhaps it’s a pet or a new toy. Watch the video without the child present and talk to them about it later. This helps to build comfort for the child by communicating in a way they feel safe.
Assist and Facilitate Play
It may be difficult for a child with SM to join in or initiate play with other students. Their anxiety can make it challenging to approach others or try something new. Ask the student what activity they like to do and get them situated with any other children partaking. If the child has any friends they’re comfortable with be sure to seat them next to each other. It’s important to encourage connections where the child already feels comfortable speaking.
Offer Small-Group Work
Working in smaller groups can help lessen anxiety for students with selective mutism. Being in a smaller group is much less daunting that being a part of the entire class. The student may feel more comfortable talking in a group of four or five people than with the whole class. Be sure to also offer the option of one-on-one presentations to the teacher, even this can be a huge feat for a child with SM.
Discuss Selective Mutism With the Class
Discuss selective mutism with the whole class, chances are the students have noticed that their classmate seldom speaks, so let them know why that is and what they can do to help. It’s better to have them understand than make assumptions and it will help them become more compassionate individuals in the long run. This will also help the student with SM to feel more comfortable in the classroom setting. It’s much easier to be around a group of people who understand SM than a group who doesn’t, and the former can be hard to come by.
Feel free to even send some information home with the students, it will help educate parents and allow them to speak to their children about how they can be supportive and helpful.
Remain Positive
Remember, selective mutism is an anxiety disorder, the child is not being defiant or oppositional by not speaking. Never punish or reprimand a child with SM for not speaking, they are simply anxious and unable to do so at that moment.
Children with SM can be incredibly sensitive to criticism, they hugely fear doing something wrong. Never make them feel bad for not speaking, as this will only worsen their anxiety and self-doubt. Always remain calm, understanding, and supportive.
Selective Mutism Dos and Don’ts
Do:
- Give the child warm-up time to get comfortable in a new environment or respond to communication.
- Keep in mind their body language. Don’t pressure them to speak if they seem uncomfortable.
- Talk “around” them at first. Talk to their parents or siblings. Make indirect statements.
- Get down to their level. Play a toy or game with them.
- Ask forced-choice questions or use one-sided communication.
- Allow for hesitation.
- Accept non-verbal communication.
- Accept the level of communication they are comfortable with.
- Understand that the child’s comfort is the first and most vital step in communication.
Don’t:
- Try to be the person who “gets them to speak”. I promise you it will not work, and they will likely never speak to you because of it.
- Disregard warm-up time.
- Ask open-ended questions. It will likely overwhelm them and make them unable to respond.
- Try to bribe or beg the child to speak to you.
- Get upset if they don’t speak to you.
- Make them feel bad or different for not talking.
- Pressure them to speak before they are ready.
As you can see, the most important part of helping someone with SM is making them feel comfortable and meeting them where they’re at. Once they’re comfortable they may feel more ready to speak. It’s also important to educate those around you to help assist in the child’s treatment.
Post by Morgan Peters
Other Posts You May Like:
What is Selective Mutism? And Why is It So Unheard Of?
What Causes Selective Mutism? Misconceptions & More!
Attachment Theory & the 4 Attachment Styles
Sources:
Andi. “How to Help a Child with Selective Mutism: SMA.” Selective Mutism Association, 22 Oct. 2021, https://www.selectivemutism.org/how-to-help-child-with-selective-mutism/.
Andi. “How to Help a Child with Selective Mutism in the Classroom: SMA.” Selective Mutism Association, 9 June 2022, https://www.selectivemutism.org/selective-mutism-in-the-classroom/.
Talarico, Alex. “Dos & Don’ts for Interacting with Those with Selective Mutism.” Selective Mutism Anxiety & Related Disorders Treatment Center | SMart Center, 3 July 2020, https://selectivemutismcenter.org/dos-donts-for-interacting-with-those-with-selective-mutism/.
