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Attachment Theory in Relationships – How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships

July 30, 2023

Attachment Theory in Relationships – How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships

attachment theory in relationships

Attachment Theory & the 4 Attachment Styles

May 7, 2023

Attachment Theory & the 4 Attachment Styles

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Love is more than commitment. . . Love doesn’t r

Love is more than commitment.
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Love doesn’t require a label to be true. We spend so much time focusing on where a relationship is going that we forget to be present — to see the relationship for what it truly is.

Love is so much more vast than romance proclaims. If love requires forever, I don’t know if I know love at all.

I often hear the term “trauma bonding” used to

I often hear the term “trauma bonding” used to mean bonding over shared trauma, however, that’s not what the term means. Trauma bonding is the emotional bond experienced by the victim in an abusive relationship. It’s the reason why they stay.

It’s incredibly important we use this term correctly as its misuse can perpetrate systems of abuse (such as asking why victims don’t “just leave”) and trivialize the experience of victims.

Check out the post to learn more about trauma bonding. Link in bio.

DV Resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788

Love Is Respect (offers resources for those between 13 and 26 years old): Call 1-866-331-9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522

Our worth lies in so much more. . . So much of wom

Our worth lies in so much more.
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So much of women’s worth is placed on getting married and having children, so women often end up settling. Sometimes they feel they don’t have the time to wait for the “perfect” man, so they accept what they have only to end up disappointed.

They place more importance on societal expectations than their true desires and then feel like they fail when things don’t live up to expectations. However, there is no one-size-fits-all mould for how to live a fulfilling life.

For some, it could be marrying young and having a family. For others, staying single and focusing on their career. Or even, meeting your soulmate later in life but never marrying or having kids. Or, in the case of this poem, divorcing, taking on the challenges of being a single mother, and getting back into your dream career.

The key to living a fulfilling life is to do what feels right for you, not simply what society expects.

Does free will exist? Or are we just products of o

Does free will exist? Or are we just products of our environment?
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I recently took a philosophy course, and one of the main lessons that stood out to me was whether or not we have free will. I actually think the arguments that we don’t were far more compelling.

Our choices are dictated by society, how we were raised, and the past choices we made. Seldom, if ever are our choices completely random, and if they were random they would lose all purpose and meaning.

But if our choices are already determined, does this give us a moral obligation over them? Do we hold responsibility for these predetermined actions?

This is where I believe an element of free will comes into play. I do believe most of our choices are predetermined, and that many people never question this. They never stop and ask themselves, “What if there was another way?” They don’t question societal norms, the way they think, and what they believe. They just take these at face value; they live on autopilot, all their decisions already decided for them.

But what if you stopped and questioned your conditioning? Questioned the way you were raised and all that you’ve been taught. If you broke the causal chain, could you then make different choices?

My newest Substack post is up!! I recently watched

My newest Substack post is up!! I recently watched Joker: Folie à Deux and had *many* thoughts.

This post explores the movie’s themes and how they relate to men today. Through issues of class, patriarchy, and toxic masculinity, we cover how men become like Joker and what can be done about it.

The link to my Substack is in my bio!

Deep down, we’re all the same. . . So many of us

Deep down, we’re all the same.
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So many of us are afraid to truly be known; we’re afraid of being hurt by those closest to us. So, we put up our defences, we shut people out. But deep down, all we really want is to let people in. We want to be known, as much as it terrifies us, and that risk of being hurt is always worth it.

If we never let people in, we never really live. Connection is what binds us, and gives true meaning to what it is to be alive.

The fall of America. . . I’m so sorry to all of

The fall of America.
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I’m so sorry to all of you who live in the States. I was watching from Canada, hoping for a better outcome. Just know that this fight isn’t over, there’s always work to be done and this election just showed us exactly how much. Love is always the answer. This hatred will only get them so far.

Some crimes never serve time. . . This poem stemme

Some crimes never serve time.
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This poem stemmed from the thought that many emotional abusers never face repercussions for their actions. Especially when the abuse takes place outside of marriage. With no legal bounds in place, people can get away with a lot. Physical abuse is easier to prove, but emotional abuse is simply your word against theirs.

There aren’t any laws in place that protect people from this type of abuse. It allows monsters to walk among us, and as long as they do no physical harm, there’s nothing we can do to stop them.

Don’t challenge tradition. It’s tradition. . .

Don’t challenge tradition. It’s tradition.
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Just read “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson and I apologize if I just spoiled it for you, but seeing as it was published in the 40s, I figured it was fair game.

I’ve personally never understood the importance of holding onto traditional values. As a society we evolve, and in my mind, that can only be a good thing. We learn and we grow and our values and practices shift to reflect that. What do we gain from holding onto strict gender norms? Women who don’t receive equal rights? Men who suppress their emotions?

It’s perfectly okay to acknowledge that these traditions don’t serve us anymore. Doing things, because “it’s just the way it’s always been,” is not a good enough reason.

My newest Substack post (link in bio) is all about

My newest Substack post (link in bio) is all about the evolution of the term “gaslighting.” The term gaslighting gained popularity in 2010, and thus, expanded to include other forms of manipulation.

However, I recently ran into an instance where someone said I was weaponizing therapy terms by acknowledging these newer elements of gaslighting. It’s complex when it’s such a serious term but people don’t agree on the definition.

As someone who has experienced gaslighting, I feel like the expanded definition better encapsulates the pattern of manipulation gaslighters use. It’s seldom just one type and it doesn’t always perfectly fit the classic definition.

By acknowledging all forms of gaslighting, we better represent the abuse that victims face, thus validating their lived experiences.

25 feels like a lifetime. . . I turned 25 today, a $25 feels like a lifetime. . . I turned 25 today, and it sounds both so old and yet, still so young. In the grand scheme of things, 25 years is only a fraction of the life I’ll live, and yet I feel like I’ve lived 20 lifetimes already. There’s been so many lessons, enormous ups and downs, great loves, and even greater heartbreaks. I know I still have so much to discover about who I am and who I will become, but I’m so proud of the person I am today; she’s come such a long way.$

My second Substack post is up and I could not be m

My second Substack post is up and I could not be more excited for you guys to read it!

I’ve been a little obsessed with rhetoric recently since discovering the “Burned Haystack Dating Method”. Which, if you haven’t heard of, you should definitely check out this post!

“Test and Apologize” is a negative rhetorical pattern used to manipulate your boundaries. It can seem subtle enough that you may want to let it slide. However, this post teaches you, through my own experience, exactly why you shouldn’t do that.

Manipulation can sneak up on you so easily if you don’t know what to look for. Being aware of these patterns can save you so much trouble!

Link to Substack is in my bio!

I hate it here. . . Don’t mind the morbidity of

I hate it here.
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Don’t mind the morbidity of this one, I swear I was born with a perpetual loathing for existence, but otherwise, all is well. 😂

If you haven’t noticed, I have something of an affinity for writing about controversial topics that I truly don’t believe should be controversial in the first place. Despite being a quiet person, I’ve never had a problem saying the one thing no one else dares to say. It’s a trait I quite admire, and I truly wish more people shared it.

Hopped on the trend and started a Substack, becaus

Hopped on the trend and started a Substack, because apparently, I didn’t have enough writing platforms already.

I’ve been writing a lot more about feminism recently and while in today’s day and age feminism can often be seen as controversial, it certainly shouldn’t be. As with any movement, there are always people who will take it too far, but feminism in and of itself shouldn’t be seen as a dirty word.

The equality of men and women is something we should all be striving for. This doesn’t mean that men and women are the same in every way, it just means they deserve the same freedoms, rights, respect, and autonomy.

It certainly doesn’t place women above men, however, it does address the systemic inequalities women have faced for thousands of years.

Check out the link in my bio to find my Substack!

A vulnerable man is a sexy man. . . Recently watch

A vulnerable man is a sexy man.
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Recently watched “Nobody Wants This” and have *the* biggest crush on Noah. And it got me thinking about how many of my crushes are fictional men who were written by women (a lot of them).

There’s something that feels almost undeniably queer about it. Maybe I just love women and how deeply they understand emotions. And yet, it’s their male characters I keep falling for. There’s something about healthy masculinity paired with a deep understanding of human emotion that just really floats my boat.

I know that men are capable of experiencing and expressing their emotions just as deeply as women, but so many of them suppress this. Toxic masculinity teaches them that their emotions are a weakness; something that shouldn’t be shown. But suppressing your emotions doesn’t make them go away. They just come out in other ways (i.e. anger, depression, anxiety) and these lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

When you can’t express your emotions they make themselves known in your body and this impacts your physical and mental health. We, as a society, have done such a disservice to men by convincing them their emotions are a burden. It negatively impacts their lives as well as the lives of women who date men.

October is Selective Mutism Awareness Month and se

October is Selective Mutism Awareness Month and seeing as I’ve posted a lot of the basics of SM already, I thought I’d highlight some of the effects that aren’t so obvious.

Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that symptoms of anxiety are apparent in its expression.

People with SM go into a “freeze” state when their anxiety is triggered which can lead them to have stiff body language and a blank facial expression. They may also speak in a monotone voice.

People with SM generally have a huge fear of making mistakes and often worry about what others think of them, which can make it hard to express themselves.

As you can see, given all that, along with developmental delays, sensory processing disorder, and susceptibility to depression, SM is a lot more than just mutism.

Life is meant to be filled with love. . . Love can

Life is meant to be filled with love.
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Love can come from many places, it doesn’t require another person. You can love yourself, your work, your hobbies, your friends. Love is what fills our life with meaning.

I’d say some of my biggest loves are writing and self-improvement. These are the things that make my life purposeful, without them I would feel so lost.

When I’m not actively working on these things it’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like my life is worthless, but then I pick up a pen (or more accurately keyboard) and it all makes sense again.

Entering my final girl era. . . Idk if any of you

Entering my final girl era.
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Idk if any of you watch Mykie (previously known as Glam&Gore) on YouTube, but she just posted *the* most perfect video about the villain era concept and why it should be referred to as the final girl era.

A final girl is tough. She overcomes challenging circumstances and comes out stronger. She sets boundaries and does what she needs to do to survive. She’s less concerned about being liked, and more focused on being who she is.

Unlike a villain, a final girl is not vindictive. She never seeks to harm, though she understands that sometimes our actions do inevitably cause harm. We’re human, none of us are perfect and she doesn’t claim to be.

Love is always the answer. . . This poem could rel

Love is always the answer.
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This poem could relate to a lot of things, but I made the dumb decision to reference veganism on threads recently and paid for it in the comments 🙄.

I’m vegetarian and posted a bemused thread asking why people always assume I’m vegan. It was lighthearted and unassuming. I didn’t think anyone would see it, but they did. A bunch of diehard vegans commented berating me for not being vegan, which I just don’t think is helpful.

What we eat is so ingrained in us as a society. It’s not so easy for people to just change that, even if they are aware of the harm these industries cause. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect everyone to drop everything and go vegan. Any steps people take to limit their consumption of animal products is a plus in my book.

The all-or-nothing mentality of attacking a vegetarian for “not doing enough” is simply unhelpful. We should all do what feels healthy and sustainable for us.

“All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid. Ny

“All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid. Nymph then a virgin, nurse then a servant.”
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As a woman, I am tired. And I know I’m not the only one. More and more women are giving up on dating, they’re de-centring men from their lives and choosing to be celibate.

I’m tired of explaining basic empathy and the fault in men’s misogynistic comments. I’m tired of being told I’m crazy for having normal reactions to mistreatment. I’m tired of men crossing boundaries without consent and me consoling them when they get upset.

It’s not just politics, it’s so many women’s lived experiences. It’s not just some liberal ideology, it’s common fucking decency. It shouldn’t be progressive to say that women deserve better.

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