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What is Selective Mutism? And Why is It So Unheard Of?

March 22, 2023

What is Selective Mutism? And Why is It So Unheard Of?

Selective Mutism

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m.peterspoet

The rapture. . . All this rapture talk got me thin

The rapture.
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All this rapture talk got me thinking of how this event would actually go. Certainly many who claim to be Christian would be left behind and many who don’t would ascend. I can only imagine the outrage this would cause for those who remained. Some would seep into their anger maybe they would begin to hate God. Others, would reflect and realize that maybe they had it all wrong. Maybe some would change for the better. Maybe some wouldn’t change at all.

My soft defence. . . As women, we’re so often taug

My soft defence.
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As women, we’re so often taught to suppress our instincts. We’re raised to be polite and accommodating. To always give the benefit of the doubt. We’re told we’re overreacting when we feel unsafe, but we’re also blamed when something happens to us.

Being a woman is like being constantly gaslighted by society. Everything we do is somehow wrong. “You were rude and distrustful, how dare you?”, “You trusted that man? What’s wrong with you?”, “You wore that? What did you expect?”

We’re told it’s not all men, and of course it’s not. But it’s more than enough when we’ve all had these experiences. You treat every gun as though it’s loaded until proven otherwise.

There’s been some discussion online recently about

There’s been some discussion online recently about coffee dates. Are they low-effort or the perfect first date?

Personally, I love them. They’re a great way to meet someone new without spending a ton of money or investing hours of your time. I don’t believe a coffee or dinner date is a reflection of anyone’s worth, it’s simply a preference.

Substack link is in my bio!

The calm in the storm. . . I recently attempted to

The calm in the storm.
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I recently attempted to use dating apps again and very quickly regretted it. I can only be asked, “How was your day?” so many times before I simply lose my mind.

Probably my bad, for searching for depth
in a place where only shallowness thrives.

Sometimes, love doesn’t need certainty. . . I’m no

Sometimes, love doesn’t need certainty.
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I’m not gonna lie, I kinda hate the term “casual” when it comes to relationships, but maybe that’s just because I’m incapable of it. Any non-committed relationship I’ve ever been in has still been deeply meaningful to me. I couldn’t be in a connection with someone I don’t at least share a strong friendship with.

However, sometimes, feelings go deeper than that, but for whatever reason, you don’t want to be “in a relationship” with this person. Society essentially deems these connections as “casual” and less important than committed relationships. But are your friendships less important than your romantic relationships? They shouldn’t be. So, why should these connections?

Just because you’re not introducing someone to your parents or planning a lifetime together doesn’t make that connection less meaningful. Relationships are as meaningful as you decide for them to be.

Blocking isn’t rude, it doesn’t require the worst-

Blocking isn’t rude, it doesn’t require the worst-case scenario. You can block anyone for any reason at all. It doesn’t require justification.

Go to the link in my bio to read this Substack story about a university whose email and number I recently blocked.

It’s a masochistic sense of comfort.

It’s a masochistic sense of comfort.

Boundaries in a relationship should never be assum

Boundaries in a relationship should never be assumed. Having been polyamorous, I’m all too aware that un-communicated boundaries are impossible to uphold. And just because you think a boundary should be obvious, doesn’t mean your partner does.

So, before you think, “This should be obvious,” and avoid discussing a boundary, communicate it instead. Otherwise, you may find out the hard way that your partner isn’t on the same page.

Link to Substack is in my bio

Go find what you need. . . I recently dated someon

Go find what you need.
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I recently dated someone who told me he loved everything about me, but that he felt my selective mutism was something he had to tolerate.

I was taken aback by it because he wasn’t all that talkative himself, and I never felt we had an issue. We always had things to say, but I was also comfortable with the moments when we had silence. I don’t feel the need to fill every space with sound.

I felt that if he truly loved everything about me, he would love that part of me, because it certainly wasn’t going anywhere. Silence is just as much a part of me as all my other attributes. You can’t love my empathy and altruism without understanding what made me that way.

I wouldn’t be the person I am without my selective mutism and someone resenting that part of me simply isn’t going to be healthy for me.

I’m better left as a manic pixie dream. . . If a m

I’m better left as a manic pixie dream.
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If a man prefers you have no needs, he certainly doesn’t love you. He only loves what can provide.

I’ve mastered the rules of the game. . . Can you t

I’ve mastered the rules of the game.
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Can you tell how apathetic I’ve become about dating? At this point, it truly does feel like a game of who can care less. Who can play their cards just right so they don’t end up with a broken heart.

I’ve mastered the art of self-protection and I hate how often I’ve had to use it. Relationships shouldn’t feel like war, but all I’ve learned is how to defend myself.

How to break my heart. . . I wrote this years ago

How to break my heart.
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I wrote this years ago and it’s just been sitting in my notes app collecting dust. The final stanza kept floating around in my head as some momentous truth.

That’s often how my relationships end, with my unending forgiveness but the ultimate lack of all-enduring love. I think back then, I wanted love to be unconditional; I wanted to love no matter what. But I’ve learned that love does require conditions. You have to treat me a certain way for my love to remain intact—and that doesn’t make the love less—it just means I have self-respect.

Love is not meant to exist no matter what. Love is contingent on how you’re treated. It’s a mutual exchange. You give love and you get love. If you’re not being treated lovingly, it’s only fair that your love would die.

Judgment is a Christian’s greatest sin. . . I grew

Judgment is a Christian’s greatest sin.
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I grew up in the church and the biggest hypocrisy I noticed among Christians was their judgement. Christians are called not to judge, for only God is righteous. Everyone sins, so who the hell are we to judge anyone? However, Christians have an affinity for judgment. They believe because they’re Christian they’re better than everyone else. It’s often an unconscious belief, no Christian would ever admit to this line of thinking.

I deconstructed my Christianity when I was about 19 and quickly realized how ingrained these beliefs had been. I soon noticed how much more accepting I had become since dropping the “Christian” label. I wasn’t better than anyone. None of us were. In that sense, I’ve become much more “Christlike”.

The main reason I stepped away from religion was the dogma. There were far too many things Christians were expected to believe that I couldn’t justify. There was too much hate and judgment within the church. I wanted to praise God without being told who or what to hate. I wanted to love without being shamed.

God is love, and anything used to justify hate in His name is purely the thought of man. If you hold hatred in your heart it’s because that’s who you are, it certainly didn’t come from Him.

The one that got away.

The one that got away.

The love I deserve exists because I exist. . . I’m

The love I deserve exists because I exist.
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I’m tired of hearing men say that women are asking for too much. All I ask is for what I know I can provide; I only desire to be loved the way I love. Why on earth would I settle for less?

Love is a lost art.

Love is a lost art.

I recently had someone invite me to “read together

I recently had someone invite me to “read together” on a first date and, personally, I thought it was off-putting. A first date should be for getting to know each other.

But I was curious about other people’s opinions, so I asked around and responses were varied… and sometimes shaming. Some people did *not* like that I didn’t go on this date.

So, I thought we should talk about the idea of shaming women for saying no, and how common this has become.

Link to Substack in my bio!

A heart can only bleed for so long.

A heart can only bleed for so long.

You deserve a love that loves all of you.

You deserve a love that loves all of you.

Life is more than conception. . . In my opinion, a

Life is more than conception.
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In my opinion, anyone who understands the facts should, without a doubt, be pro-choice. You can’t say you care about life and allow so much suffering to take place.

Life is so much more than conception. You can’t say you care about life, when that life is confined to embryos, and ignores the lived reality of mothers and children everywhere.

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